I Need to Come to Power

Ok. First of all, homeschooling should be illegal. Unless you have a degree in education, you have no business pretending to be a teacher. You wouldn’t let the janitor teach the class, would you? Well, unless the class was How to Clean 101.

Next, when I come to power, I am going to create a test. Similar to IQ tests, but focused on common sense, logic, and reason. I don’t care if you disagree with me, as long as you have some fucking logic and proof behind your opinion. Everyone will take this test. Anyone who passes this test will get to stay. Everyone else will be deported. Maybe to Canada.

I am tired of these waste of space people consuming my resources. Why are these people allowed to eat, or use my energy, or worst of all vote? If you don’t contribute, you don’t get the benefits. It’s pure capitalism. Think about how wonderful this world will be if people actually tried to make life better? That should be rewarded. Those who just sit in their trailers watching Jerry Springer on their 13 inch TVs with they hands in their boxers and a 12 pack of Bud Light within arm length do not belong in the civilized world.

Religion. Fuck religion. The only thing that Marx said that I agree with was when he said that religion was the opiate of the masses. It dulls your reason, blinds you from facts and logic. It significantly increases the concepts of “them versus us”. How does this help society? I don’t want violent people in my country fighting people because they worship a different imaginary man in the sky. At the same time I don’t want a bunch of people that believe and follow mystical teachings without thinking about them. I’m so tired of the excuse, “well that is how I was raised”. So? Think for yourself. Does your parent’s insanity hold up to logic? Do you agree with everything your parents said? They are also the same people that told you about Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

Criminals. We really need to reevaluate how we handle crime. Theft is a minor crime. Rape is a major crime. Why are they punished the same way? A rapist should be raped. A thief should go to jail. I suggest that the victim of a major crime be able to dictate the punishment of their attacker. Perhaps cigarette burns to the scrotum if they rape you? Theft doesn’t hurt anyone, really. Not in the same way as molestation or murder.

Child molesters should be drug into the street and shot. Flat out. No discussion. There is no reason to fill up our prisons. Just remove them from the equation. Boom. I just solved our over population problem.


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  1. OMG…..this shit is awesome!!!!! I have been saying this for years. Chris you are hella amazing. Why don’t you have a HBO special?!?! Sooooooooo fucking funny….

  2. I agree with the homeschooling. Especially considering how so many parents bitch about the education their bastard little Timmy is receiving.

    I think we’ve talked about this common sense test. Doesn’t it also give the stamp of approval on whether or not you get to vote, drive, and have children? Maybe failing shouldn’t mean deportation (unless there are different tests?) and you can’t send them to Canada. They could weasel themselves back in, best make it France. If they fail the voting part, they can’t vote. If they fail the driving part, they can’t drive, and if they fail the mating part, they get sterilized.

    I also agree on the waste of space masses using my valuable resources while they live off of welfare, have 10 more children to pass the time, and drive a huge ass Hummer to go across the street.

    And yes I agree with the last three as well. Except I think any hardened criminal that physically/sexually hurt another human being for their sick pleasure should be shot. Not JUST child molesters. It cant be an eye for an eye Chris. Who wants to rape a rapist? That’s just…you won’t get anyone to do that, you’ve gotta be realistic here.

  3. Ok. So how about this, like the SATs, I’ll have different tests. One for voting, one for reproduction, etc. But you still have to pass all of them with a certain total score.

    With the criminals, I was using an example.

    Is any of this realistic? These are just my rantings. If I could actually get to power, it would be cool, but not likely.

  4. Ahahaha, well no. None of it is realistic, but it’s fun to think about.

  5. You can do it…I believe in you.

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