Uniformity

I know everyone wants to be a unique little snow flake, but can we get some uni-god-damned-conformity in this country? I’m not saying that everyone needs to have the same hair cut or whatever, but certain things should be the same everywhere. Look at your phone. Does it have the “123” row on top or bottom? Now look at the number pad on your keyboard? THE OPPOSITE!

What about staples? Do you put the staple on the top left corner? Do you put it at a 45 degree angle or straight down? Or straight to the side? Same thing with paperclips. I know someone that puts the paperclip in the middle of the page for no reason whatsoever other than to fuck with me.

What about expectations? If you go to a store, you expect Pepsi to taste like Pepsi right? BECAUSE THEY ARE UNIFORM. Can you imagine if each bottle of soda (It’s not called “pop”. Die.) tasted differently? It would be chaos. I work in the hotel industry. Each car is different. Where is the key whole? Oh. It’s got a push button start. Where’s the switch for the headlights? Where’s the defrost button? It takes you 5 minutes to get used to the car. Then you go to the next car and have to figure it all out again.

What about light bulbs. At my job, we have a bunch of lamps in the lobby. Some go “off-dim-medium-bright”. Some go “off-off-on-on”. One goes “off-bright-dim”. The fuck? I end up going through a full cycle of the switch trying to figure it out. If you were on a keyboard, and half the time the “a” key typed “a” and half the time it typed “b”, you would kill yourself.

Then you have name spelling. It started off as idiot parents wanting to give their idiot kids names to make them stand out, because they wouldn’t be smart enough to do something significant with their lives. Now people ask me how I spell MY name. C-H-R-I-S. Like it should be. But since there are enough fuckers out there that spell their names however the fuck they want, people now ASSUME that you have a weird spelling. Of course then you have the people that make up the name entirely. I hate these people. Braydon. The fuck kind of name is that? Anything ending in “aydon” actually. That’s the white trash version of naming your kid “Le” something. Like Lebron. The worst part is when they get mad at ME because their parents couldn’t spell their name. Not my fault your parents suck. Kick them in the nuts and change your name. I’m going to spell it the way it should be spelled. And if you have a weird name, I’m calling you “John”.