EarthquakesHave you noticed that there have been a fuckton of earthquakes lately? It seems that while 2009 was the year of dead celebrities, 2010 seems to be the year of the natural disaster. Luckily, we have found not only the cause, but also the solution. It all comes to us from Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi.

The Iranian Cleric said on Friday, “Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes”.

Now you may be asking, how could we solve this terrible curse of copulation and coquettishness? Our super cleric has that answer, as well. “What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble? There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes”.

YES! Religion will save us. I feel so secure in the knowledge that religious superstition will protect me. Just like the religion protected September 11th and priests protect alter boys, religion will protect the earth. I guess that makes abstinence the condom that is 99.9% accurate at preventing earthquakes.

Some silly “scientists” have come to their own conclusion.  “Seismologists have warned that the Iranian capital Tehran is situated on a large number of tectonic fault lines and could be hit by a devastating quake soon”. Really though, what do they know? What are they? Professionals?



  1. Actually, Mr. Chris… we are just about right on track for the same amount of earthquakes we have every year… the only difference between this year and other years, is that they are not hitting out in the middle of the ocean and instead they are hitting well populated areas that aren’t prepared… that’s the only reason you are hearing about all these earthquakes all of a sudden. FYI

  2. Ok. I will admit I know nothing about earthquakes, but that really wasn’t the point of my article.

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